Wun-Wun

“If you think this has a happy ending, you haven’t been paying much attention” – Ramsay Bolton
Also Ramsay Bolton, “Who let the dogs out?”

Wun-Wun died.

This post is about Game of Thrones 6×09 

 

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It’s a typical Monday morning. You hear your alarm clock going off. You rummage under the pillows for your phone. Your eyes are still closed so, like the Yellow Pages, you let your fingers do the walking (or in this case seeing). Your hand wraps around the cuboid object. You bring your hand to your face and squint open one eye. The unbelievably bright display makes you hiss out like a cornered feline but somehow you see the time. It’s only 6 O’Clock. “Five more minutes,” you tell yourself. You shift in the bed.

You wake up at 6:50 AM. You tell yourself that it’s okay. Work is only a fifteen-minute walk away anyway. But then you remember that you are a lecturer and you have a class at 8. And since you’re a newbie lecturer, you obviously do not own a car and you have to use public transport to take your late ass behind to class. Now you have to rush and budget your time. You miraculously get ready by 7:20 but you haven’t had your breakfast. You leave the house and head over to the stage, 10 minutes away and wait for a matatu. Several of them drive past soliciting for passengers but you can clearly see that they are filled to capacity. What madness to board an already loaded jav!

You find a ride, get to your class where the eager-to-learn students are already waiting for you. First years have the most psyche… You go through your teaching material, regularly asking them if they understand this stuff, to which they say they do. Students lie, a lot. You give an example and tell them to show you how they would solve the sum. They fail, you repeat yourself thrice more. You pound this information into their brains the best way you can. Time runs out. You have to go through this again next time.

You make your way back to your office. You get a whole lot of work waiting for you on your desk. You want to scream. But then you remember, “It’s Monday. You download Game of Thrones on Monday! And today’s episode is The Battle of the Bastards!”

Your mood is lifted. Every moment after that download, you think about how when the clock strikes 5 you are out of there. You’ll make yourself a cup of something hot since it’s June and Winter is here. You’ll turn up your sound system so that the neighbors hear the theme song. You’ll sit there for an hour, your phone on flight mode and watch the unfoldings of the stuff you saw in the trailer.

Sadly, before all that happens, you have to get through the day. You can do this, no problem. The problem begins when Mother Nature sends you rain. You’re stranded at the office and you think to yourself, let me do some work so I don’t have to do it tomorrow. You know, acting responsibly. You take your laptop and click on an icon. The game loads and it beckons to you so you figure, “What the hell. It’s after 5.”

Three hours later, the rain subsides. It is dark but you have to get home. Luckily you only live a few minutes away. You get home. You’re hungry AF. And tired too. But who cares about that? Game. Of. Thrones!

The rest of this post is dark and full of spoilers.

The theme music plays. The scene opens up as Mereen is under attack by the slavers of Slavers’ Bay. Tyrion is being scolded by Mama Drogon. She wants to kill e’rrybody but Tyrion talks some little sense into her.

The slavers meet to negotiate terms with Mama Drogon, telling her that she and Tyrion should go back to Westeros and The Unsullied would remain and be resold. Miss Andei will remain and be resold (this one made me angry). But Mama Drogon is like, “Nah to Ah to the No, No, No!” Then Drogon shows up, on cue btw, like he can read his mother’s mind. Daenerys climbs on his back and swooshes on to dracarys those silly little people pelting balls of pitch onto her pyramid. Drogon’s brothers (I don’t know the sex of Viserion and Rhaegal so I’ll assume they’re male), join in the dracarysing.

Back on the land, Grey Worm makes a joke.

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After all this, Theon and Yara are seen in Mereen. Blah blah blah. I’m sure this stuff is important but meeh.
Take a trip with me to the North.

Jon Snow and Ramsay Bolton (formerly Snow) meet. Jon offers a proposition to fight one on one to resolve the Winterfell dispute. Ramsay refuses. Jon taunts him trying to make him angry. Ramsay tells Sansa that she’ll be back in his bed soon, to which she replies, “You’re going to die tomorrow. Sleep well.” Daayum Sansa! (Remember when Sansa was a stupid little brat whose only aspiration in life was to marry  Joffrey and give him little golden-haired babies? When we all hated her? You know, back in Season 1, and 2… and 3 and 4?)

When the meet and greet is over, Jon and Sansa argue about how many men they need and how Jon doesn’t know what Ramsay is like. But Jon knows that he’s fought bigger and badder things beyond the wall. Sansa glared at him and thinks to herself, “YOU KNOW NOTHING, JON SNOW!” You can see it in her mind.

Jon goes off to find Melisandre and asks her not to bring him back should he die. And I’m like, “Oh pris, Jon Snow. Of course she’ll bring you back.” Melisandre tells him to calm his tits and that if Rh’llor wishes, she’ll bring him back whether he wants to come back or not. Yay Melisandre!

Meanwhile, Ser Davos finds the doll he gave young miss Shireen Baratheon where she died. So sad.

In the morning, the battle is on!

Ramsay has many men but Jon has Wun-Wun. But where the heck is Ghost? Is he on leave? Shouldn’t he be here as the official mascot of #TeamStark? No?

Anyway, Ramsay has Rickon. His hands are tied. Ramsay pulls out a dagger and for a second we think that he’s going to slice Rickon’s throat Catlyn Stark style. Instead he frees Rickon from the rope and tells him that if he can make it to his brother, he’ll be free. But we all know there’s a catch, right? He tells Rickon to run and gets his archery kit. Rickon runs, Jon gallops to get him. Ramsay is shooting arrows at the boy, intentionally missing. Rickon almost makes it to Jon when an arrow shoots through his chest. I gasp in my seat and send out a quick RIP Rickon tweet. Upon hindsight, me and the internet think to ourselves, “Why wasn’t Rickon zig-zagging?”

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The battle begins and it’s so amazing that I won’t spoil this part for you.

Ramsay loses and heads back to seal himself inside Winterfell like the coward he is. But no gate can keep out your friendly neighborhood Wun-Wun. He makes the castle gates into woodchips as Jon and #TeamStark attack.
Wun-Wun dies. *sob

Ramsay does his annoying thing of “Being Ramsay” and ends up with a bloody face courtesy of Jon. The Flayed Man banners are removed and replaced with the Direwolf of House Stark. Rickon’s body is to be buried in the crypts next to Horrible Death Number 1: Ned Stark.

Ramsay is in the dungeon, tied to a chair and Sansa goes to see him. She tells him that all memory of him will be erased and no one will even remember him. And then growls are heard in the cell. Ramsay’s hounds.

It’s a dog-eat-dog world, this one.

In conclusion: BEST EPISODE EVER!

And now you’re sad. Not because of the long and tiring day you just had. But because there’s only one episode left.
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