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Vanity

“Vanity of vanities,” says the Preacher;
“Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.”

 

Hi, guys.

I have a question. Where did we go wrong as humans?

I mean, seriously… where did we go wrong? I know it was sometime where the first man accepted some mystery fruit from the first woman and subsequently doomed us all. Or, it was somewhere between Australopithecus and Homo neanderthalensis, if you believe in that evolution crap. But somehow, someone somewhere crossed our wires and we became like mindless sheep following whatever “they” say is cool or hip or trendy.

 

Who are “they” anyway?

Let’s talk about what has got my boxers in a tizzy.

I like to read. I read the most random of things just because. But recently, during my me-time, I picked up a copy of a popular magazine (GQ). I read some interesting articles here and there but something caught my eye (in a horribly horrid way). It had to do with botox.

Now, many don’t actually know what botox is. Botulinum toxin (BTX) is a neurotoxic protein produced by the bacterium Clostridium botulinum and related species. It causes nerve and muscle paralysis. That’s how it smoothens wrinkles and such.

But botox treatment has been around for ages, why am I talking about it right now?

Well…

Men have started using botox more… creatively (read cringe-worthily). They’re injecting it down there.

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And in the standard male fashion, there’s a witty name for the procedure. Scrotox. Yes, you read that correctly! Botox in the coconuts! The end is nigh. Jesus take the wheel. Why? Why in the name of all that is holy?

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Reasons range from, “It keeps the balls from sweating,” to “it makes the jewels look bigger and more youthful.”
Now, I don’t know about you, but no amount of ball sweat can ever make me let a needle anywhere near my giblets. To the guys who do this (and those who will do it later on), you are very brave. Nay, you are ballsy.
Here’s an extract from the article:

The Botox relaxes the wrinkles. They also tighten up and move closer to the body, giving the old boys a lift. With scrotox, you’ll end up with the testes of a 12-year-old boy.

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Mimi sijui by the way… 

Other cosmetic procedures geared towards today’s metrosexual male include:

  1. Anal Bleaching: This process lightens the skin around your asshole to remove the naturally darker pigmentation of the anus. This is usually done by applying a lightening agent directly to the skin.
  2. The Priapus Shot: This was named for the Greek god of virility. It’s a penile injection. Google it
  3. Pectoral and Butt implants:  For when you want to look like a muscular version of a Kardashian.
  4. Penis implant: Because, why not?
  5. And of course, there’s botox for your face and armpits.

Oh, before I leave, there’s this video of guys who tattoo their lips pink in order to get the gyels oh! (These are Nigerian’s in case the oh didn’t give you a hint.)

Mens Fashion: Nigerians tattoo their lips PINK!

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This world is dark and full of terrors.

ION, there are only 11 more weeks to go before the next season of Game of Thrones!

*Deletes browser history used for “research”.*

Comments: 2
  • Mwas April 28, 2017 3:47 pm

    Things people do in this century?

  • Wakwitu June 1, 2017 1:48 pm

    It was just a matter of time before embraced cosmetic surgery in all its range…. But butt whitening? Oh Gosh!!!

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