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The Road

Although we’ve come to the end of the road,
Still I can’t let n-go!
It’s unnatural (Ooooooh)
You belong to me (Meeeeee)
I belong to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

Happy New Year!
The Chinese New Year started recently. It’s the year of the dog, which is fitting since life is a bitch!
Well, not really. But sometimes it feels like it is.
Anywho, I realize that I have been gone for a while now. I would apologize but I’ve been doing that for the last few posts and it seems kind of repetitive at this point.
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I’ve been up to a few things. As you already know, I have impending nuptials coming up. I’ve been adjusting my mind to the idea that I will be living with someone else in my house forever. Now, I don’t know how much you guys know about horror movies, but this is the most horrifying thing ever. Imagine, a stranger – a stranger you love, but still – moves into your house and starts eating your food and changing the way you do things and arguing with you for no reason. Imagine that stranger bringing forth other strangers from her body and they proceed to keep living in your house and eating your food.
And it’s forever… orever… rever… ever… ver… er… r…
I think that’s the scariest thing about marriage.
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That and in-laws.
But I digress, this post is about the road.
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See, since I’m getting married to the love of my life (you can insert an “Aaawwww” here), we wanted to start things off right. That involves taking classes on marriage which are offered by the church in which we plan to wed, which is in Nairobi. It also involves meeting in-laws in Nyeri. My fiance and I live in the mucathas of Nakuru county (which explains why I don’t churn out posts daily. It’s quiet here). That’s a lot of matatus and of course, a substantial amount of fare, and also quite the number of interesting characters.
Let me tell you about some of them.

The guy who smelt like literal crap
It was 6:30 am, early on a Saturday morning. Usually, I would be asleep but not anymore. I’ll sleep after the wedding. But there we were in a matatu, waiting for the conductor to squeeze in the 73rd person into the thing. In the seat in front of us, by the only functioning window was this guy, in his twenties, I think. There he sat, window closed, emitting a stench that can be likened to rotting cheese. I have no idea how rotting cheese smells like but if I did, this guy would smell like it.
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Now, you might say that I’m exaggerating or being too harsh, but you would be wrong. Why? Because, at some point during the journey, he alighted and the other 72 people (including myself) sighed. We actually sighed in relief! By Jove, that man needed a bath. And deodorant. He needed an endorsement campaign by LifeBuoy. The International one, not the other non-international one.

The woman who could not sit still
This was last Saturday. The sad thing about public transport is that you can’t choose who you sit next to. Fiance and I were in the back of a shuttle, minding our own business as we waited for the thing to ferry us yonder. In stumbles this woman who was… I want to say the size of a house, but if I’m being honest, I’m just being mean.
She. Could. Not. Sit. Still!
It was the most uncomfortable three hours of our lives. She had all the room in the world but somehow she wanted more. Who did she think she was? Rose from Titanic?
If you’re reading this lady, this bitmoji is for you.
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The driver who was apparently paid to market Diamond Platinumz
Just typing that name made me shiver.
The best thing about vans is that the windows are too inconvenient to jump through. This person almost killed me. I could have died, people!
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Tatizo ilikuwa Mbagala.

The woman who had a coughing episode for two hours.
This one was probably dying. I was concerned. She recovered though. Turns out she had a fly in her throat. Gross, isn’t it?
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But wait, there’s more!

The girl who puked in the car
This one was just… just…
I’m halfway through my classes, so I am sure I’ll meet some more characters, some likeable others less than likeable.
I wish I could teleport.

Can someone make me a Tomorrow Person?

Comments: 2
  • theimaasai February 28, 2018 10:25 am

    I’m waiting for the day you’ll travel with the guy leaving his shagz. I don’t know how you’ll cope with sharing your space with other creatures…. Mind you these creatures are not still

  • Wangeci? March 6, 2018 7:22 pm

    Lmao your article took me back to my Uni days in Nyeri county waaaah …..why are guys so weird ???

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