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My Lip Gloss is NOT Popping

First of all, let me get this out of the way. Yes, I did write something yesterday. No, I did not post it because it was a bit ranty and I don’t want people to come here and find me ranting.

Now then…

I was making my casual strolls about the Internet, like any average person who unhealthily spends too much time on Instagram, when I came across a piece of information that put a bee in my panties. It’ll also put a bee in your panties if you dwell on it, which I guarantee you will!

So, the post in question was on Reddit and the question posed was, “What is a conspiracy theory you believe to be true?” Now, I’m a curious person so of course I was going to read the thread. We went all the way from Elvis still being alive to the moon thing is false. I kind of believe the moon thing.

Wait, Mark, you believe the moon landing was a hoax?

Yes, I do.

Why?

Well, maybe because in the footage we see of the moon landing, the flag they plant seems to be moving in the wind. Also, why haven’t we ever been back to the moon since? If it’s true then there should be some structure there by now, even a little shed, but there isn’t. And if it is true, and there is a reason we’ve never gone back, what is it? Hmmm…

By “we” I mean humans but I don’t have the desire to leave the earth unless Jesus comes for me.

Anyway, the conspiracy that will make you go over the moon (see what I did there?) is this: The chemicals they put in lip balm and lip gloss work together to actually dry out your lips faster so you use more of it- and therefore buy more gloss or balm.

Shocking, isn’t it?

I wasn’t so quick to believe this BUT I do have lip balm on me at the moment. I applied a generous layer of it before I left my house and in ten-ish minutes, I could feel my lips pruning. Like a grape in the heat of the sun. Like a baby that was left in the tub too long. Pruning like heck.

So I applied another layer, and guess what? My lips were dry in no time. I feel like I haven’t had a sip of water in days! There is definitely something in that Reddit thread.

Also, ladies, some person said that some of your feminine hygiene products are laced with chemicals that make you bleed more (and therefore buy more). I don’t know about that because my uterus is non-existent but if that’s a thing, you should check out your products.

Another one that affects women that I know is definitely a thing and not a conspiracy theory, is that they purposely make your razors of lesser quality so that, again, you buy more. Ever noticed that female razors come in packs of 5 or 6 but men’s razors are usually solitary purchases or in packs of 2 or 3 at the most? Look into that.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

 

 


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