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Now the Lord had said unto Abram, “Get out of your country, and from your kinsmen, and from your father’s house, into a land that I will show you…” -Genesis 12:1

There are a lot of commas in that verse.

Hi, guys. Wozzzzz happenin’? Are you well? Are you sick? You guys never tell me anything. Are you queuing at a bank? Are you in traffic? Are you currently sitting for an exam? Are you currently invigilating an exam (like I am as I write this)?

I am the teacher, and I wield the red pen of power!


Anyway, as my students struggle with that easy assessment test, let me tell you a story. A story much like Abram’s up there. A story of less epic proportions though.

I moved out of my father’s house years ago. And subsequently, I found out, rather harshly, that adulting is hard AF! I wasn’t ready. No one told me you had to pay for everything. Water, power, food, fare, airtime, a place to sleep, et cetera. I knew about the airtime, at least but sheesh! No wonder our parents were in such horrible moods. Then there are taxes. (I pay taxes but why in the name of all that is holy do I have to tell the government that I have paid them. They already know! They have my money!) Oh, Lord!

When I first moved out, all I had was a duffel bag full of clothes, a pair of sheets and a small duvet. And when I moved into my first house (house, mind you, not a bed-sitter), all I had was the duffel bag and I had managed to procure myself a bed and a mattress. I didn’t stay long at that place, though. The landlord was a … I wanted to say dick but I’ll just say he wasn’t a very reasonable person. He was very truculent.

So, I moved out and found Cana in Galilee. Haha! It’s funny coz it wasn’t really Cana in Galilee. But I stayed there for two years. It was a comfortable place and in the span of that two years I filled up that small house with stuff that probably isn’t that important, but hey, if I wanted to watch a movie I had my very own IMAX.

But alas, that landlord was also … I wanted to say stupid, but I’ll just say that s/he wasn’t very wise.

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And that’s why, long ago in a blog post far, far away (possibly on page 2 or 3), I hinted not at all subtly that I wanted to move house. Well, there I was. In search of greener pastures. Like those Maasai Morans (Morans, not morons) who herd their droves of cattle cross-country. The only differences are:

  1. I’m kind of fond of trousers.
  2. I don’t have droves of cattle.

But, I was looking for a place to live where there was water. Water is so important, you guys. At my last place, there was plenty of water, until there wasn’t. And I cannot be in a place where there is a sink in the kitchen but I’m doing dishes in a basin. Or where there is a shower that I cannot use. I am not a savage! I am a pampered brat and I demand utilities.

Sigh. I sound so entitled, yaani. Issokay.

… hold on guys, I have to look like I’m actually trying to invigilate this CAT.

All good. No one’s cheating…yet.

So, I got fed up.

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And I went off in search of … I don’t know what, but it wasn’t in ‘Cana in Galilee’. And praise the Lord, I found a place. And it was expensive AF! (Probably not that expensive to the average person, but I am certainly not average). I let that place go. Then I found another place. It was huge! And pretty, oh so very pretty. It had a view! And I knew, deep deep down in my heart, where my soul resides, that I was NOT going to live there. That was some freemason type of crib right there. I was like, “ I can hear Jesus telling me no, so… no.”

It was a long ass week.

Eventually, I did find a place. It’s close to work, has no view at all but it has water and is right next to a woman who sells phenomenal ‘viazi karai’ so I’m good. Fat, but good. And right next to her is a Mama Mboga who sells me these gorgeous avocados.

And that’s my not so interesting story. I would expound more but time’s up and I have to collect these answer sheets.

Let us all hope they have passed, even though I know that they haven’t.
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Anywho, my new house is great. Haven’t had a house warming party yet, so my friends have that to look forward to. Bring gifts (this is in bold for a reason). 

This post is about moving. Did it move you?

*Edit: Somebody complained about cuss words, so I cancelled them.

Comments: 5
  • Wakwitu April 11, 2017 4:11 pm

    A Good one! I like your style of writing. It is so refreshing.

  • Nyawira April 12, 2017 11:36 am

    Haha, giggled all the way!

  • Grace April 12, 2017 12:55 pm

    Funny and interesting!

  • Joy April 12, 2017 11:09 pm

    You’re amusing.

  • Mwas April 28, 2017 3:57 pm

    Goodstuff, Fat? …….Fat? Isorait, I hope i see.

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