“There can be miracles when you believe,
Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill,
Who knows what miracles you can achieve,
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe” – Whitney Houston (oh and Mariah Carey)
Have you ever had something so wonderful happen to you? Something you can’t explain even if you tried?
Something beyond your wildest expectations? Like seeing an actual blue moon? No, I’m not talking about vodka or beer or whatever Blue Moon happens to be in your locale.
I’m talking about seeing a unicorn.
Well get on with it already!
This deserves a build-up, dammit!
We’ll start at the beginning.
It was a Thursday. A cold Thursday. El Nino is coming.
I was in the office “working” on a few files. If anyone asks, MS Excel is the worst. Records are the worst! Let there be chaos (Chaos is a ladder)! Basically, I was doing the boring stuff one has to endure for a paycheck. I know employment isn’t an ideal option for the millennial but, it does have its perks. For example, my salary allows me to be able to live indoors and not starve to death. If you need an incentive to go get a job, this is it.
Anyway, that’s not what today’s topic is about.
It’s about what happened after work that fine stormy Thursday evening.
After work, I got a text message saying, “I’m making dinner, come over.”
Hold up! Hold up nigga! You got a girlfriend?
You ain’t single no mo?
Does she watch Game of Thrones?
So, dinner/supper was ready which is good because nowadays I’m a bit averse to cooking. My pilot light is out. My zeal for cuisine is missing. Also, my fridge is empty and I wanted to buy lots of stuff to correct this anomaly but the plastic bag ban ruined everything!
Sasa nitawekewa wapi nyanya? In my laptop bag? No thanks. There’s a mouse in there.
Dinner was wonderful, thank you for asking.
But what happened after dinner was in a word, EPIC!
I remember every moment so succinctly.
She looked ravishing that night. Her skin glowed, her face shone. There was a sparkle in her eye. Her hair was done in a bob cut sort of way that must have taken her lots of time to style (which I appreciate even if I don’t say it). She was dressed in comfortable looking clothes. Nothing too crazy. She’s a church girl after all. But her jeans were the truth.
I sat there just quietly admiring her because that’s what a good boyfriend does, right? Then she smiles at me and there’s a jolt in my … heart. She kissed me gently and said, “I have something for you.”
Oh, my days!
She then proceeded to bend over and I saw the glory of the Lord.
Then she stood up abruptly and shoved something in my hands.
I was confused at first. But upon realizing what it was, it brought a tear to my eye.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Boys and girls.
Women and non-women.
The most beautiful and out-of-this-world thing that has ever happened.
I thought it was lost forever. But it wasn’t.
And it was clean!
Miracles I tell you!
Is this what love feels like?
Is this a voodoo ritual?
Is Tormund still alive?
This one’s a keeper … Wait … She isn’t! Haha!