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The cat’s name is Chris Brown. I don’t know what I was thinking naming her that (yes, it’s a she). Perhaps I had a Chris Brown song in my head and the cat is brown so it fits. Later, when all the cool cat names came to me like Kitty Pride, Cat Mandu, Cat Anna Ngala, Cat Ahiostory, they did not feel as good as Chris Brown.


So anyway, I’ve been having conversations with Chris Brown lately because she’s at a stage where she has all the energy in the world and is developing a personality of her own. Chris is a shy cat when people other than Eve and me are around but when it’s just us, she’s a feisty little one. As I’m writing this Eve is sleeping on the large couch I told you guys about and as always I’m on the tiny one, Chris is jumping on her checking to see if she’s awake and wants to play a game. Spoiler alert Chris Brown, Eve sleeps like a log.

An hour ago though, Chris was acting suspiciously, hiding in the corners of the room and doing that thing animals do with their tails when they’re about to poo. So, naturally, I go outside and change her litter box. Outside. After dark. Me!

After changing it she went and pooed immediately and boy oh boy, the smell!

horrible trash fire

“What have you been eating?” I ask her.

To which she says, “Meow.” If you were waiting for her to talk like Balaam’s donkey, you’ve been eating too many sausages.

So, Chris finishes her business and I go to wash my hands like WHO says. Then I go to the kitchen to get a glass of water and discover that the fruit I thought I bought yesterday I really bought four days ago so I slice me up a mango. Guess who shows up to ask for a slice?

“Meow,” she says.

“You don’t eat mangoes,” I say.

“Meow,” she insists. So, I bite off a piece and offer it to her and she scarfs it down immediately and asks for more.

“This is my mango, Chris Brown.” you have to call her by her full name otherwise she ignores you. “You have your own food over there.”


I sigh and bite her off another piece and now I eat the thing really quickly like it’s 1999 and I’m dealing with my younger brother always crying for my stuff. Once it’s gone, she jumps off my lap and pretends I do not exist.

“Really?” I say.

She does not even dignify that with a response.

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This has been my life in quarantine. I don’t even remember talking to Eve anymore. The cat is taking over as was revealed in the prophecy that was the movie Cats and Dogs. She doesn’t want me to post this and you think I’m joking but I can prove it.

Look at her. She thinks just because she’s tall now she can do anything. Ugh.

Have a great week, guys. I hope your lives aren’t being controlled like this.

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