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I don’t know what time it is but man, am I psyched! It’s a new day and the possibilities are endless. Carpe freakin’ diem!

I gotta wake this guy up.

But it might still be dark out. I don’t know. I don’t have eyes.

Yo! Dude! Amka!

No no no! Don’t turn over!

Did this man really just turn over on me?

He’s moving his hips.

Stop that!

He’s not stopping. Oh man… Oooh, that feels nice… A little to the left. Yes, just like that.

Oh, wait.


He has to wake up now.

Dude, you gotta stop it right now.

He keeps going.

I’m serious… Stop… It’s too much!

He’s not listening to me. I can’t take it much longer. It’s too much… I’m gonna –


4:58 am

It’s too early.

Why am I awake? And why am I wet and sticky?

Oh, dear God, no.

A wet dream? Seriously?

Don’t look at me. I told you to stop. Not that I’m complaining.

Shut up, Richard.

You know, other people have cool names for their junk. I still don’t get why I had to get ‘Richard’.

Because you’re a dick, Richard.

Ah, yes. Puns. If I had eyes, I would roll them.

Shut up, Richard. I have to get new sheets because of you.

Again, I did tell you to stop. It’s not my fault you watched porn before bed.

I did not watch porn. I saw an episode of ‘Power’.

It’s all the same to me.

Shut up, Richard. It’s too early for this.


7:10 am

Do you have to put these on?

I think they’re comfortable. Plus, they’re new so, of course, I have to wear them.

I feel weird.

Today is a test run. If you don’t like them, I’ll never put them on again. How’s that?


The walk to class is good. It’s a cool morning. I should probably get something to eat first. That first lecture is boring as hell.

Is hell boring though? Is it lit? Haha! Lit!

I should probably stop laughing, I look weird.

Oh, that cute girl is just up ahead. I should say hi.

Did you say something?

No, I did not. You stay put. Sitaki third party hapa.

Whatever dude.


“Hi, Ashley.”

“Hi Henry,” she says. “You have an early class today?”

“Yes.” I should smile. Those YouTube videos say girls like guys who smile. I hope I don’t look odd. “But I have some time to kill before then.”

“How much time?” Was that a hint of suggestion in her voice?

What do we have here?

Not now, Richard.

“I have a few minutes. I wanted to grab some breakfast. Would you care to join me?”

“That’d be wonderful, Henry.”

I love how she says my name.

I love it too. I’m going to stretch a bit while you guys talk.

Oh no.

And you were right, Henry. This new underwear is awesome. I love it!


9:00 am

Hour two into my lecture.

I’ve never noticed how big a head this teacher had. Like a watermelon with eyes.

Did he just say buckets instead of packets? Haha! Don’t laugh out loud.

Hey Henry. Notice me!

Why in the world are you up? This is physics, why would you be excited about this?

I don’t know. Hey, are we gonna see Ashley again?

I might.

When are you gonna introduce me?

I feel like I’m blushing. Am I blushing? I am!

“Anything amusing you’d lige to tell the glass, Henry?”

That you probably pronounce cabbage as garbage? “No, sir.”


Dude, calm down. Soon, okay?

Okay. I’ll probably be here for a while though.

Why? Oh, why?

You should be glad your hormones are working. Imagine if I never popped up once in a while. You’d be worried then… Also, I need to be adjusted. This angle just isn’t working for me.



1:24 pm

What are we having for lunch today?


Ashley. Wow. Tell her she looks pretty. “Um… hi.” Tell her she looks pretty! “Nice to see you again.”

Is she blushing? Yes, she is!

“Nice to be seen.”

I want to meet her.

Shut up, Richard!


Lunch is going well. Ashley is funny. And sarcastic! I love that.

She has the most gorgeous lips.


I want to meet those gorgeous lips someday.

“Maybe later you can come by my place and I’ll cook something for you,” she says.

Oh, she wants it.

Yeah, baby!       

“That sounds wonderful.”

I’m so glad I put on new underwear today.


8:30 pm

The food was exquisite.

Ashley looks so hot in this light. She’s smiling that smile. Tilting her head, hand on the back of her neck.

She licks her lips.

Kiss her, you fool.

I believe in miracles!

Her lips are divine!

Take off her clothes, but do it slowly like you want the moment to last.

Ashley moans. “Henry,” she whispers.

This is the day, this is the day, that the Lord has made.

We’re both naked now. She looks sexy as fuck. Does she think my body is weird looking? Is Richard appropriately sized for her?

I am perfect, negro.


“Wow right back at you,” she says. She takes Richard into her hand.

Her hand is so soft.

Her hand is so soft. Damn!

“I hear some guys name their penises,” she says. “Are you one of them?”

Is there a right answer? Fuck it, I’ll tell her the truth. “His name’s Richard.”


“Coz he’s a dick.” I wink.

She laughs at that. It sounds weird when a girl is laughing when I’m naked.

“Nice to meet you, Richard.”

You too! I jump.

“He likes you.”






Comments: 6
  • Anon April 1, 2019 1:47 pm

    Waah. Why did i feel weird and awkward picturing this in my head and reading while at the office? lol

  • Shad April 2, 2019 6:57 am

    Well for an organ.. Richard is too wise… ? ?

    • Lomo February 7, 2021 11:50 am

      Sad I read this today. It is quite heart racing towards the end ?

  • beth April 4, 2019 12:31 pm

    hahahaha…. nice one

  • Shufaa Yakut May 28, 2019 4:30 am

    Hahaha, Richard is such a kiherehere


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