Hips Don’t Lie

The gel pen is back! I had misplaced this treasure of plastic and ink and it had caused me great distress. I am grateful to be reunited with it.

Anyway…

I had an off day at work recently. There was still a power/electrical issue in the building that houses my office. The power is on and off like one of these modern relationships so I haven’t done much in the past few days but draw. That day was especially dull because there was also an Internet blackout. Internet is everything at my job. Without it, I can’t do anything but sway with my desk chair like an unimpressed preschooler. So, I took a stroll to another office where I wasted an hour trying to see the finance guy and another hour for a mandatory staff meeting. I would have rather surrounded myself in the darkness of my office. Like Batman.

that's dark

Gosh! I missed this pen!

I was feeling low as well because I had thought I would be super productive. I would check emails, set up schedules, work out, draw and perhaps even watch a digital painting tutorial but no… My body betrayed me. I felt hot (not that kind of hot although that I am) like I had a fever. I was hungry and it did not help that I didn’t have any breakfast.

“But Mark, why didn’t you have breakfast?”

Because I wasn’t hungry in the morning. Sometimes I don’t even eat till 5 pm. Experts call that intermittent fasting.

“That’s not healthy, Mark.”

I know.

“You should eat.”

I said I know.

Anyway, there I was, overheating because the weather app told me to dress warmly. I felt like I could pass out at any moment as I walked home. I kept telling myself, “Just make it to that electrical pole.” Then I would get to the pole and say, “Alright, that gate next.” And so on until by the grace of God, I made it to a friend’s shop where I got some fries to eat.

“Fries are not healthy, Mark.”

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Dammit, we’ve been through this.

 

So I got home and plopped myself on one of the couches to relax and breathe without a damn mask on. Eve saw the state I was in and got me a glass of juice. And just as I was starting to feel better, I got a call. I ignored it because it looked like a work thing and I was not doing work things from home. The caller called again and I was this close…

So Close Collider Video GIF by Movie Trivia Schmoedown

…this close to blocking the number when my phone rang again. I picked up and took in a big breath waiting to unleash vitriol on the caller but it turned out to be one of my coworkers. Apparently, there was some inventory she had gone to requisition (which means to apply for) that she was given immediately. I’m all for efficiency but really? Today? The organization usually takes twenty business days to acquire a stapler but today they decide, “Sure, here you go. Everything you asked for.”

The office was locked and everyone else uses public transport to go home so I was the one called to come help. The lady was stranded at the door with boxes of printer paper and other office supplies.

Why was I raised so responsible?

Thankfully, since I had eaten I felt good enough to go help. The lady got me a nduthi to take me to the office quicker and this, friends, is why I am writing this story. This particular bike ride. Only took 600 words to get here but here we are.

Now, I don’t know how old you are but I hope at least some of you know this song:

 

Yeah, I had a pair of jeans on that day. Not skinny jeans because eew and also that wouldn’t be professional attire. But they are slim fit and I can walk comfortably in them. And they do bring out my silhouette.

Just so you know, my legs… fire.

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Unfortunately, those jeans of mine have no give. I can’t straddle a leg across the seat of a bike or even get into a car gracefully. These jeans were meant for walking and walking alone. But this woman had been waiting for assistance for a long time and it looked like it was about to rain so I had to saddle up.

I did it with great difficulty and when my ass touched the seat of the bike, my hips screamed. It was an all-out battle cry. I felt like how I imagined rotisserie chicken feel when I twist off a thigh. If they could feel because, well they’re dead so they feel nothing. But I sucked it up because I am a man and also because there were people around. Watching me. Judging my tight jeans. And also, the rain. Once we stopped, however, I practically leaped off that thing. I ambled to the door and shoved everything inside before locking it again. I stood at that door for a really long time and tried to do a few yoga poses to release the tension on my hips. I even did squats which proves to you doubters that I wasn’t in fact in skinny jeans.

I walked back home twice that day. The second time in pain and in the drizzle.

Moral of the story: Always eat breakfast.

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