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Charmed 2018

I wasn’t supposed to write anything this week. I was on break from words because words and I had a misunderstanding that blew up into a full-fledged fight. See, I sent a text to someone – one of those long texts you see people writing in matatus. You know the ones. A couple has a tiff and goes all silent on each other for at least 15 hours before one of them eventually composes a long ass text to the other. It used to be the girl who composed first but now even guys embody their inner Shakespeare to salvage a “relationship(this has all the highlights because I don’t know what passes for a relationship these days). I guess it’s because of feminism or equal rights or whatever. The other party would receive said text and respond with a one-word answer like “K” which isn’t even a word.

“K” is the worst thing to text someone. It doesn’t even mean “Okay” like it’s supposed to. It means I hear you but I can’t be bothered with you right now. I don’t care for you nor do I care for whatever you just said. Some of you are the worst people in the world. Imagine if God answered your prayers with “K”.

Imagine.

Anyway, my fight with words was unpleasant.

I sent a text. A long ass text, not to salvage a relationship but to drive home a point. The problem was… I sent it… with a typo…

I’m so ashamed.

Needless to say, my point was totally ignored as the typo (I don’t make typos) was now the focus of attention. Imagine those people you make fun of and because they have nothing to say back they make fun of your voice.

Words and I haven’t been on the same page since.

I’m so ashamed.

Thus in my shame, this week was dedicated to watching movies and series on my computer that I have neglected. I felt bad for them. Like I had invited them to my house but I didn’t even give them tea. Or worse, I gave them tea but the tall kind.

 

Moving along swiftly…

I’ve always been obsessed with superpowers (the supernatural kind not like China or Russia). I don’t know why. Maybe a psychologist will tell me one day although Africans don’t really believe in psychology.

The shrink would probably tell me that it’s linked to my parents (specifically my mother) and to a feeling of being inadequate or whatever Sigmund Freud-esque thing he or she learnt in school. I don’t think I can share my darkest thoughts with a shrink though. He/she might need therapy after that.

In my superpower obsession, I have watched almost every TV show that has characters with supernatural powers. Shows like Merlin, Game of Thrones, Heroes, Mutant X, Supernatural (for a brief moment – that show is whack), Charmed, The 4400 et cetera. Some of those shows I’ve watched twice (except Supernatural – that show is whack). Powers (magical or otherwise) make me happy.

Speaking of Charmed… sigh… they made a reboot.

Why?????

Why on God’s blue Earth (the Earth is 70% water and appears blue from space and not green as in the usual expression) would they do this to a perfectly good show?

They ruined it, people!

There are two episodes out now. I watched the first one in its entirety. I thought there was room for improvement. The second episode, I only watched 12 minutes of it and I was done. DONE! Done like that spicy pork I was telling you about last week.

I have never not finished an episode of Charmed. Even the terrible Season 8 episodes. This reboot though… I am done.

Here’s a list of what they have ruined:

  1. The damn names of the damn characters. They changed the P to an M. Not much of a big deal but Charmed will always = Prue, Piper and Phoebe (and Paige if we’re being technical)
  2. No theme song.
  3. Phoebe’s powers: From premonitions to hearing thoughts… Hearing thoughts… Like that would ever help anyone.
  4. They made Piper gay. Because shows these days have to have a quota of at least one gay person.
  5. They made Piper an idiot. A literal idiot.
  6. It’s on the CW which means we’ll have 6 unnecessary seasons of a terrible show.
  7. The demons are pathetic. The 1998 demons looked more demonic than this CGI travesty.
  8. No theme song! No freaking theme song!
  9. No Gramms.
  10. A whitelighter who orbs without any white light.
  11. The power of three spell is now in nondescript Latin. (Which these new never-been-witches know instinctively).
  12. Referencing Meghan Markle to seem relevant with the time.
  13. No theme song.

Did I mention that there’s no theme song? Because I feel like that’s an important thing to mention. The only thing that can help is this spell. Let’s say it together, “The power of three will set us free.”

 

The good thing about this show is words and I have made up.

We’re cool now.

 

 

 

Comments: 3
  • Ian October 25, 2018 10:57 am

    Wait, you mean to tell me they have Mrue, Miper and Mhoebe now? The absurdity!
    ? CW’s tripping on this one, I’ve not found a reboot in recent years that quite stands out.
    “I am the son …” SMH, what a fail.

    1
    • Wacu Mbugua January 10, 2019 2:09 pm

      LMAO. Mrue, Miper and Mhoebe. U r funny

  • Cat July 18, 2019 1:52 pm

    Nice

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