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Being Uncomfortable

I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you’re looking for?

I’ve never really liked having a messy inbox. You know this by now. I wrote about it some time ago. But recently, I have been bad. Really, really bad.
I haven’t read my emails in a while (don’t judge me, I’ve been busy!) and I logged into my mailing app just to see what I’ve been missing.
That was a mistake.
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What I found were a huge heaping pile of disappointment and a broken heart. There’s no way the mailbox can ever be “full” but more than 3 emails can crush the soul of a man. This man in particular. The sad thing about emails though, is I have to read them all.

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You don’t have to, Mark.

I HAVE to!
So, I read them. One by one. On and on. Till I got to something interesting… nay, uncomfortable.
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I’d like to ask you African Swan, Why? Why me?
Apparently, there’s this thing called a Liebster Award.
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I have never heard of such a thing but because I was so nicely requested to participate, here I am. As far as I can tell, it works like this:

  1. Someone who blogs gets nominated by another person who blogs who also got nominated by another person who blogs and on and on and on till infinity.
  2. The person who nominates you asks you some intrusive questions.
  3. You choose to answer the intrusive questions.
  4. You nominate another person who blogs.

It’s kind of like a chain letter. Or a witchcraft ritual. Or a politician’s promises. There’s no end in sight.
Endorsed by Miley Cyrus because “We can’t stop and we won’t stop.”
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Laiti ya hayo, ndio haya maswali. Let’s get to it, shall we?

If you were to become a chicken for a day, what would you do with that day?
These questions…
Well, a chicken isn’t the first thing I would think of becoming. I’ve read the Animorphs books and the first thing I would morph into if I could would be a cat. But that’s not what you asked, is it?
If I were to become a chicken for a day, I’d spend my day questioning why I became a chicken. I’d probably even cross a road just to see why I would do such a thing.
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Wait. Am I a male chicken or a female one?
If I were a female one, I’d lay an egg somewhere in a corner known only to me, so that once I am human again, I would take that egg and debate the ethics of eating it. Because if you think about it, if I ate that egg, would I be eating an ordinary egg or my own reproductive juices? Something to think about, isn’t it?
If I were a male chicken, a rooster if you will, I might let the rooster’s instincts take over and crow all I want and chase female chickens. But if you think about that, isn’t that like bestiality? Would the subsequent chicken babies look human? Hmmm….

What is the ultimate book setting that you would want to have in your life? A setting that is common in books or that you picked from one particular book that you would want to have if you could.
I’ve never actually wanted to translate a book-setting into my own life. What I do, however, is sort of create a sort of me character in the books I read and make better decisions based on the plot of the story.
For example, if I were an Egyptian during the ten plagues, as soon as I saw the frogs I would have immediately become an Israelite. Better decisions.
If I were in the Game of Thrones universe, I would move to the free city of Braavos. I wouldn’t be beheaded for no reason there.
If I were in the Percy Jackson universe, I’d tell them about Jesus. The Greek gods have nothing on Jesus.
If I were in one of the many romance novels, right there in the middle of the book is the major conflict which comes about by a lack of communication. I’d ask questions. Get the story straight. People assume way too much. Make better decisions.

What classic novel did you read that fell many floors below your expectations?
I haven’t ever finished a classic novel. I can’t.
In sooth I know not why I cannot, but it wearies me.
I think the English used in those books is too English.

Can something be too English?

Yes.

Like what?

Um… Crumpets?
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I don’t like reading things against the dictionary. I think that’s why I haven’t ever finished the Divergent books. What is Abnegation?

Do you have a perfect reading environment? What is it?
Yes, I do. It’s the left corner of a couch. A right corner is okay but the left one is the right corner.
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What is your guilty pleasure?
Chocolate.
Hi, I’m Mark and I’m a chocoholic.
Chocolate is the best.
But the sad thing is it can’t be available all the time.
My other guilty pleasure is not wearing pants in the house.

One thing you like that everyone hates or one thing you hate that everyone likes?
Technically, I wouldn’t say everyone. I’d say most people.
One thing I don’t understand is how people fight for a window seat in a public vehicle but NEVER FREAKING OPEN THE FREAKING WINDOW!
OPEN THE FREAKING WINDOW DAMMIT!
Another thing I hate that most love is ripped clothing. Why? Just … why?
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Come across the 6-word or 30-word challenge? Tell a story in one of the two categories.
6-Word Story
Confusion
I don’t know what this is.

If you could be a piece of furniture in a house, what would you choose and why?
These questions…
I would be a bookshelf. Then I’d be all alone in corner of a room somewhere like the introvert that I am.

Nimemaliza!

Many thanks for the nomination, African Swan.
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You can read The African Swan’s Liebster post here. https://theafricanswan.wordpress.com/2018/02/13/liebster-award-2018/

Now since I don’t have anyone to nominate… si tuonane next time?
Ciao.

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Comments: 10
  • theafricanswan April 11, 2018 6:06 pm

    “Wait. Am I a male chicken or a female one?”???? This is why you Mark. This is why you.
    Because you are a good writer. Whose posts I enjoy reading. Because I think you are funny without trying too hard (at least that’s the impression I get). Because you decided you will go slow on your posts and leave us wondering where you went. I think if you want all the reasons why I will need to do an email.
    I am sorry that some of my questions were well, questionable. I actually kept asking myself, wait I asked that when I was reading your piece. How did you even come up with answers to those? ?

  • Grace M April 12, 2018 6:06 pm

    haha, I like!

    • Grace M April 12, 2018 6:07 pm

      People who don’t open windows in javs have a special place in hell for sure. I’m addicted to chocolate as well, I even have a budget for that in my salary lol

  • Wakwitu April 14, 2018 4:26 pm

    how is it that you haven’t read a classic novel? I love the post!

  • shem April 30, 2018 3:25 pm

    Great read as always,keep ’em coming Mark.

  • Helen Wairagu May 9, 2019 3:56 pm

    I have just come across your blog, and I thank the heavens that I did!!! Oh, how I have laughed! Literally every bit cracked my ribs. Just the perfect read at the perfect time! It is nice to meet you Mr. Chocoholic. Haha

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